


Youth

by romanoffrights



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Dysphoria, F/M, Feels, Not Beta Read, Trans Allison Hargreeves, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, We Die Like Men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 20:27:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18059501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanoffrights/pseuds/romanoffrights
Summary: Allison Hargreeves over the years.





	Youth

**Author's Note:**

> Note that I am cis. I don't have first hand expierence with trans issues. This was written for a friend who requested it. If you are offended in any way, just tell me <3.

I.

You're seven years old, and you hate a few things.

You hate your father and the way he yelled at you and your siblings.

You hate lemons and how Grace will sometimes to put them in your tea, because they're sour and make your lips pucker.

You 'hate' your siblings because they're always yelling and fighting and screaming and crying and they're too loud.

You hate the powers that you just discovered and how your father is forcing you to use them.

You hate when your father or mother or siblings refer to you as a boy.

You're seven years old when you think something is wrong. 

And you hate that as well.

II.

You are twelve years old and you start getting used to your powers.

Your father still forces you into using them to do what he wants with them, but you're used to them.

You are twelve years old when your body starts feeling wrong. 

It feels uncomfortable and dirty. Your voice is too deep. There's too much hair on your body. It's dirty. It's not right.

You let your hair grow past your ears, but your father has Grace chop it off.

You are twelve years old when you hear Vanya scream from inside the bathroom.

You are twelve years old when you feel true envy.

III.

You are thirteen years old when Grace names you and your siblings.

She names you William. She tells you it means resolute protector.

It makes you sick to your stomach, but you don't say that. You just give Grace a tight smile and thank her.

You run to your room afterwords. You want to stay there. Stay there forever.

You hide in the bathroom connected to your room. You run your hands through your curls, that barely reach your ears.

And you cry. 

William.

William.

William.

You sob, and you scream, and your 99 percent pretty sure your family can hear you but you don't care. You'll just rumour them into forgetting it. Rumour them into getting what you want.

You aren't a William. You aren't a William. You aren't a fucking William.

William is for boys.

You aren't a boy.

You punch the glass mirror. It doesn't shatter, it barely cracks.

You scream.

"I heard a rumour I was a girl! I heard a rumour I was a girl! I heard a rumour I was a girl!"

And it doesn't work.

(You rumour your family into forgetting the situation after you call down.)

(You were thirteen when Five disappeared. You were thirteen when Ben died. Those two hurt more than the glass, you decided.)

IV.

You are fifteen and you just learned about the term transgender. 

You want to cry.

You are a girl. You are a girl. You are a girl. 

There are others like you.

You aren't alone.

You are fifteen when you try on one of Grace's old dresses. It was made for curves and large breasts, but you don't mind. You like it.

You keep the dress, because it's not like Grace will use it, right?

You stash it inside your dresser, when Klaus walks in. Of course Klaus walks in.

You break down when he calls you brother.

You are fifteen when you come out to Klaus. He helps you pick a name that suits you.

He chose Allison. 

V.

You are seventeen. You are out to your family. Not all of them understand, but they respect you nonetheless.

You are seventeen. Reginald agrees to let you start HRT. That was one of the only times you actually liked him.

You are seventeen. You feel okay for the first time in a while.

VI.

You are nineteen. You've been on HRT for two years. You just moved out. The second to go.

You have a small apartment. It wasn't the best place, but it would do for a bit, until you could really get on your feet.

You are nineteen. Life isn't perfect. You miss your siblings. But you're okay.

VII.

You are twenty. You just got your first role in a movie. 

(I heard a rumour I got it in one take.)

You are twenty. Your hair reaches your shoulders. You're developing breasts.

You are twenty. You are proud to say you're trans.

You are twenty. Your first movie is a hit.

You are twenty and you are happy.

VIII.

You are twenty four and you just married a boy. 

Patrick. You think he is, honest to God, perfect. He accepts you. He loves you. He wants you for you.

(I heard a rumour that you love me.)

The wedding was big. Extravagant. Gorgeous, really. Everything about it was perfect.

You are twenty four and you invited your family to your wedding. 

Not all of them show up. Only Vanya and Luther did. You didn't care, because the two of then were better than none of them.

You hugged them both tightly when you saw them. Vanya commented on your dress and how well your transition was going. She said she was so proud of you. 

Luther was shocked by your appearance, but you couldn't blame him. He smiled and congratulated you. Said something about how Reginald couldn't make it but he wanted to. You scoffed.

Your are twenty four, you are married, and you are happy.

IX.

You are twenty six, and you and Patrick just adopted a little girl named Claire.

(I heard a rumour you stopped crying!)

She was perfect, you decided. Perfect like everything else in your life, right?

You are twenty six. You have been in HRT for nine years.

You feel real.

X.

You're thirty.

Your father is dead and Five is back.

You think you should feel sad that Reginald died. That you should mourn.

But you don't. You don't give a shit about that dickwad of a 'father'. Because Five is back and Klaus is wearing your skirts instead of the other way around and Vanya calls you sis.

And for the moment, you think you can be happy.


End file.
